Ryan asked me last week if I could find space to contribute to this week’s newsletter, with “Journey” being the central theme. Initially, the above question came to mind – “what journey?” Pondering that led me into quite a week of self-reflection and ironically (or not?), this was the week that I finally found the energy to settle into my space at Hanya House.
The phrase that I’ve uttered to so many people over the last 26 months is exactly that:
“It’s been a journey”.
I turned 40 last month and while some of us feel anxiety with approaching that age, all I wanted was to have that day over and done with and get out of my 30s. Since I was a child, my 37th birthday and year of life caused me immense anxiety – this was something that I never shared with anyone until I turned 38. In the year that I was 37, I was constantly on edge anticipating some catastrophic event, some major illness or injury, devastating news… the list was endless.
In hindsight, this was the age (and I remember the exact day) when I realized that everything I had and everything that I had worked towards did not make me happy at all. In fact, it made me miserable, and I was living a life that I could not bear to be living for another 37 years. From the outside, it appeared perfect didn’t it? Instagram filters are indeed there for a reason.
I then started planning and making changes.
I sold my beautiful home, my thriving business, and ended my marriage all within a couple of months of turning 40. All things that I did not want to do and never dreamt that I would do but that I needed to do, for me to find myself… a person who had gotten so lost in what modern society deemed would define happiness and success.
During these transitions, my Type A personality had an incredible breakthrough in learning to deal with doors closing, disappointments, and learning to accept things and people for who and what they are. Go, me! (And therapy!)
Hanya House has been such a poignant part in my healing and my journey. So how exactly did I end up at Hanya?
Dr. Rav sent me a 5m59s voice note on the 6th of September 2022. Yes – last year (don’t worry, we tend to bounce medical questions and ideas off each other in podcasts via WhatsApp so this length of voice note was not unusual). In her voice note, Dr. Rav spoke about what her and Ryan were envisioning with Hanya’s future going forward. She asked if I knew of any doctor who was “like me or like us” who would love to join the team there. I didn’t (at the time).
Hanya is unique. It would take a unique person to complement the team there and while I was already trying to exit my old practice in September 2022, I never dreamed that I would be right for Hanya, let alone move back to my childhood hometown.
I already had premises in Nelspruit for my new practice and had signed a three-year lease agreement. When the developer told me that they would only be ready in 2024, I was beyond devastated. I needed to leave one space, but I couldn’t sit around for months on end doing nothing and I couldn’t leave my patients for so long.
Fast forward a few months… I joined my sister at the Rebounding Classes with Verena at Hanya House, met Ryan, spoke some nonsense and laughed. Rav invited me for coffee one Friday morning in June this year and her and Ryan’s exact words were: “Alli, we want you here”.
I didn’t know I wanted to be there until that Friday. I didn’t know that I could do it until that Friday.
I moved out of my old practice on 30th August 2023. I moved into my new home on 31st August 2023. I turned 40 on September 3rd.
Whenever I get despondent about what feels like, starting my life over, I do need to remind myself that I am so blessed that I am and was able to make these changes in my life. So many others out there accept unfulfillment as part of life. I am so proud of everything I have overcome this year. I am so, so thankful for the new people who have entered my life and to those who have stuck by me through all of this. I am particularly thankful to my family with me here in White River without whom, I would have been lost.
Journeys are unpredictable. Even if you’re deadset on a destination, there may be a huge pothole en route which diverts you in the opposite direction. You get so irritated as we all hate potholes. But the new road will most likely be more beautiful and the destination more exquisite than you ever could possibly imagine.
Hanya House was not on my journey in the beginning of 2023. But I am so glad it’s my destination at the end of 2023. I am so happy that I hit potholes and rerouted here. When we learn to trust the process, accept rerouting, and believe in the greater vision, our apprehension dissipates. What is meant to be, will be.
I left Hanya yesterday after a brief meeting with all the other healers who work here with the happiest heart I’ve had in a long, long time and thought to myself: “This is going to be so much fun”.
Let’s have fun.
