I recently learnt that certain species of female whales and female humans are pretty much the only known mammals to go through menopause. As a 47-year-old woman right in the middle of this journey I found this fascinating. Whale pods are matriarchal and after menopause these female whales start a whole new life – moving from breeders to leaders.
From breeders to leaders
I love this concept – moving from breeders to leaders – because it really dispels the very common western myth that women past their breeding years are no longer useful to society, no longer add value or have a meaningful role to play.
As I’m aging, my clients (and friends) are aging alongside me and so often I see this theme of “what now?” The kids are out the house, I’ve reached a career peak, my husband won’t find my new blubbery belly attractive anymore so I’m going to shrivel up and hide away. Until very, very recently menopause – or “The Change” – was whispered about when no one (particularly men) was around. I have no memories of my mom, aunts, grandparents or friends mom’s going through this shameful experience.
The Change
Women were almost too afraid to mention if they were hot in case someone assumed that they were going through “The Change”. We’re fortunate that in the past few years there has been a growing focus on women’s health and a lot of research and light shone on these transformative years that go beyond sneaking off to the doctor for some HRT that no one would ever know about.
These voices talking about perimenopause and menopause are taking the shame away from this life transition and bringing it out into the open and I’m all there for that!
My own research into what I’m going through right now has been multi-pronged. Whether its Dr Rav and Dr Ali at Hanya House talking about the medical approach or Seane Corne and her amazing new MenoMagick course highlighting ancient wisdom and spirituality, the clear message is that this doesn’t have to be a shameful experience, in fact it should be celebrated and embraced.
MidLife doesn’t have to be a crisis, it can be an awakening.
Bringing menopause out of the closet
I recently listened to a podcast which described menopause as a neurological and endocrinological event not dissimilar to puberty. In fact the hormone fluctuations are even greater than those experienced during puberty. If we consider MidLife like puberty then perhaps we can see the advantages of THE CHANGE. Teenagers are expected and encouraged to explore who they are and what they want. Their likes and dislikes move and change, they begin to DECIDE who they are and what they want. MidLife offers us those same opportunities.
Bringing menopause out of the closet is giving so much freedom to women all around the world as they begin to understand what they’re going through. They stop feeling like they’re crazy and that there’s something wrong with them and they are beginning to realise that they can move from breeders to leaders because they have so much to offer the world in this new season of their lives.
Here are some conversations I’ve had with MidLife friends over the past few weeks:
She said:
I’ve just realised that without the rage I’ve been feeling the past few years I wouldn’t have made these massive changes in my life.”
I heard:
Her explosive hormones were the catalyst for the changes she’d been longing for despite the inevitable disruption they would cause.
She said:
I looked around the room and realised that these colleagues I’d been trying to impress could actually learn a LOT from me and my 30 years in this industry.
I heard:
She finally saw her value and realised she had so much more to offer than she realised. Her age was her secret weapon.
She said:
It made me uncomfortable and so I just left, I’ve never done that before.
I heard:
She no longer feels the need to preserve the feelings of others when a situation is out of alignment with her values.
She said:
I signed up for that class I was telling you about, I’m pretty excited about it.
I heard:
She finally believes her needs matter.
Menopause is disruptive because we need it to be
These are not isolated stories but a trend I’m seeing more and more. Women are no longer content to fade into the background after MidLife; rather they are realising that they have more to offer the world than just nurturing, after the child bearing years they have a wealth of wisdom and knowledge and the ability to truly lead.
My gut tells me that menopause is so disruptive because we need it to be. Just like children need to be disrupted so that they can become adults, women need the disruption to show them that they are entering a new season of life.
A season of life where maybe they don’t need to nurture as much anymore. A season of life where maybe they can turn towards themselves, focus on their own needs, desires and dreams. A season of life in which they get to THRIVE.
If you’re heading into (or are in the depths of) MidLife here are some ways that you can use mid life as a catalyst for transformation:
- Educate yourself
Know what your body is going through, know what is happening neurologically and with your hormones. Join a conversation at the Remedy with Dr Rav and Dr Ali, make an appointment with a GP or Gynae who UNDERSTANDS this transition and offers more than a script and a sympathetic nod.
2. Be kind to your body
Your body’s needs are not what they used to be. You need to exercise more, eat less and be aware of what nutrients will support you through this time. Chances are your body shape will change, be compassionate to yourself and your changing body.
3. Practice mindfulness
Part of this transition might be increased anxiety and low moods. Making time for mindfulness practices will go a long way towards supporting you through this.
4. Be curious
When something feels out of alignment don’t say “it’s just the hormones” be curious about what’s upsetting you, why its making you feel that way and how it would look in an ideal world. The hormones lower our tolerance levels, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pay attention to what they are revealing. Women are really good at suppressing their needs and pleasing others, this is an opportunity for letting go of what you no longer need and moving towards what feels meaningful.
5. Dream
If anything was possible what would your life look like? What did dream about when you were a child? What dreams have you cast aside? What passions, hobbies, careers would you pursue if you were a priority in your life?
6. Just do it
MidLife is the perfect time to pursue your dreams. Whether its going back to Uni or bungee jumping or climbing Kilimanjaro there’s no better time for it than now. Give yourself the gift of actually doing the thing!
MidLife doesn’t have to be scary, shameful or a time to shrink and hide. It is, in fact, the perfect time to start making your dreams come true. Maybe now is the time to embrace the blubber around your middle and remind yourself that if whales can move from breeders to leaders why can’t you!
Denise Sohandev is a Personal Growth Mentor, with a passion for guiding women to create a life they love. As a Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner, Yoga Therapist, and NLP Master Coach she views the body as a gateway for healing the mind. Since her mind/body journey began in 1999 she has been studying and interpreting the sometimes esoteric teachings of ancient yogic philosophies and practices, as a means to support women as they identify and overcome the imprinted beliefs, thoughts and behaviours that limit them from fulfilling their potential. She believes every woman can be empowered to live a joyful, rich and meaningful life as they uncover and embody their own unique purpose. Denise is a wife, mother and eternal student navigating the flow of life. Find out more here.
